


The Monster of Mental Illness

by sevenstevearmy



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, College, Depression, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 07:42:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21050759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenstevearmy/pseuds/sevenstevearmy
Summary: Virgil has a tough day but his friends help him out.





	The Monster of Mental Illness

**Author's Note:**

> So the premise of this is actually a situation I was crying to myself in my room about. I'm getting help writing my own email on Friday when I see my friend again.

A notification popped up on Virgil’s phone. It was an email from one of his professors. He hadn’t attended class that day, a quick decision he had made after waking up feeling so numb but everything hurt at the same time. It wasn’t unusual for professors to email the class the day they had it, so he looked at it, assuming it would have information for the next week. It did have information about the next class, but there was also something else. He noticed the recipients bar only had his name. He clicked the bar to expand in case… in case of what he wasn’t exactly sure.

He read over the email providing him an extra credit opportunity, presumably for missing the class and information on the next week. The last line caught his attention.

“If you need to practice self-care, please contact me directly before the class to arrange other options.

Best,  
XXXXXXX”

“It- It’s just me. I know I should have gone but I just couldn’t drag myself out of bed. But I should have said something. I should have- but didn’t. And what for? I was too depressed? I should have dealt with it. I’m such a disappointment. I’m so useless. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t need college. I-I… I did this to myself. Every single time I do this to myself. I should reply, but I don’t know what to say. There’s nothing _to_ say. I should have gone. There’s no excuse. Maybe some reasons, but none of them good. How do I go to class next week knowing I did this? I don’t even have another therapy session until after that. Did I take my meds yesterday? I don’t remember. I don’t- I don’t remember. I can never remember. Wait. I did. I did. I did. Ok. But what do I do? I just don’t know what to do anymore! ‘Hey, sorry I was lazy and decided to sleep in.’ Or do I go off on all of the reasons? No. She’s not my therapist. What do I do? ‘Sorry my life is crumbling around me and I couldn’t even muster up the will to live, let alone attend class.’ Yeah, that’ll go over well. And I didn’t even feel bad until I got the email, so what does that say about me? ‘Hi, I have no regard for your time or energy and I only regret skipping because you called me out on it.’ Great and now I’m not even close to being a good person. I just want to sleep. I’m so tired. ‘Hi. I don’t want to exist anymore and sleeping is the closest thing I can get to that, so that’s what I was doing instead of attending your easy A class.’ I don’t know what to do. ‘Sorry I bothered you with my existence in the first place. I’d take it back if I could.’ But what do I _do_?”

Then it dawned on him. He went to the group chat.

[Virgil: Are any of you free to come over right now?]  
[Patton: Yep! I’ll be over in 5.]  
[Logan: I can make my way over with Roman in a couple minutes. He just got out of the shower.]  
[Dee: What a coincidence. So did Remus. We’ll be there ASAP.]

Suddenly a twang of guilt hit Virgil square on the back of the head. He was asking his friends over so, what? He didn’t have to deal with the problem he created? To drag them into it? He was about to text that he changed his mind but hesitated with the guilt of _that_ just long enough that he heard a knock on his door first. He pulled himself out of his nest of blankets. He opened the door to find Patton in his pajamas.

“You walked all the way across campus in your pajamas?” His voice cracked betraying what he had been planning on hiding and ignoring.  
“Oh, Virgil! What’s wrong.”  
“I- I…” he burst out crying and fell into Patton’s embrace.

Patton was shorter than the rest, but quite possibly stronger than the rest, too. Clearly the gymnastics did more than just make him flexible since he was able to pick up and carry Virgil to the couch with ease. He grabbed the blankets off of the kitchen floor where Virgil had been sitting to wrap him up in and only moved again after that to get the door for the others.They knew what this called for. Roman picked him up, blanket bundle and all so that he could be placed on his lap. Patton moved to keep hugging Virgil, while Logan and Dee got a hand to hold each and Remus watched his face.

“Are you ready to tell us what’s wrong?” Patton asked softly.  
“And take all the time you need.” Logan added.  
“Yes. We are not going anywhere and have no desire to until you are feeling better.” Roman chimed in.  
“And don’t think you’re being a bother to us. You know me, I’d make it abundantly clear if you were,” Dee said.  
“I’m just here because Dee promised McDonald’s, and we all know I’m a slut for nuggies.”  
“Remus!” They all whispered shouted in unison trying not to startle Virgil.  
Virgil gave out a sort of laugh and their expressions softened. “Could I get some water first?”  
“Of course!” Logan scrambled to get a glass and Remus momentarily took his place. Logan returned with the water and helped Virgil drink a bit.  
“Ok. So here’s the thing,” he smiled sheepishly and told the story.

“I know it’s stupid-”  
“How many times do we have to tell you that how you feel isn’t stupid?” Roman nearly shouted, temporarily forgetting to stay quiet.  
“We’ll keep telling you as many times as you need in order to believe it.” Dee told him.  
“Your feelings are valid. I’m so glad you felt comfortable enough to tell us and let us help you,” Patton was nearly crying himself at this point. He hated when his friends were sad.  
“It seems to me like today you were a bit overwhelmed by your depression,” Logan started.  
“That’s an understatement,” Virgil retorted.  
“The best course of action would be replying to the email and explaining the situation.”  
“I know it is…”  
“But?” Dee asked.  
“I don’t know how.”  
“We’ll help you, right guys?” Patton looked to the others who all nodded and made sounds of agreement. “Well that settles it. We can help you right now if you want.”  
“Would you?”  
“Of course! Anything for our dark and stormy knight.”  
“Are you hungry?” Remus asked.  
“Yeah. I guess I kind of am. I think I forgot to eat today.”  
“Great! I wasn’t kidding about the McDonald’s. They’re open 24/7, you know.”  
“Remus,” Dee warned.  
“What? I’m not the only one who’s a slut for nuggies.”  
“That’s not… You know what? Ok. I’ll go with you because I don’t trust you to go on your own.”  
“DeeDee, I am wounded. Do you really think so little of me?”  
Dee turned to him and deadpanned, “Yes.”  
He gasped and feigned offense making Virgil laugh some more. Maybe it would be alright after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was really cathartic. I think I'm going to write my anxiety and such away more often. Everything is so much clearer when it's someone else.


End file.
